So, before my surgery I knew I wouldn't be able to take HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy). The estrogen feeds endometriosis, so add that to the fact that my doc couldn't remove the endo that was found on my bladder and bowels without severe risk, and it was a no-brainer that I wouldn't risk everything by taking that icky stuff. Unfortunately, this has led my body to go into surgical menopause - which is widely known in the medical community to be far more intense than regular menopause. My body was literally thrown right into it, as opposed a "normal" woman who goes into it gradually. To say it's been an experience would be an understatement. It's been out of this world. Honestly - I never realized what I was getting myself into.
Those that know me, know how much I research everything, especially when it comes to my health. I specifically researched the affects surgical menopause would have on my body. A lot of the information I found was regarding older women that had the surgery, not necessarily 25 year olds. I guess it's a pretty rare thing for 25 year olds. Can't imagine why. Everything that I read stated that it was very probable I would struggle to maintain my weight - but I thought since I was so young, my struggle with this would be lessened. I was wrong.
I'm now almost 20 months post my surgery and I've put on a whopping 50 big ones. I know what your thinking, "eat right, and exercise" ... I wish it were that easy. In the 2 months I was pretty much flat in bed recovering, I gained 15 lbs. I was eating pretty dang healthy too. My mom, grandma and I had made a list of "Body for Life" foods that I could eat while recovering for the very reason of gaining as little weight as possible while I couldn't be active. Unfortunately, it didn't help. I started to try to exercise, and was told to go gradually as my body was still pretty sensitive. Unfortunately, all the other crap started up shortly afterwards and exercising became my worst enemy. Despite that, I pushed on for several weeks. I still gained weight. I even tried restricting my diet to 1200-1300 calories a day, and I gained weight steadily. I finally broke down and asked my doc for a diet pill. I gained 6 lbs that month. It was/is a joke.
I think I've finally realized that while I may have been alive for only 26 years... my body is now that of a 60 year old.
I used to be someone who had a 6 pack without even trying. No joke. In junior high my mid section was the envy of almost every girl I went to school with... I never had to do a sit up, not one. Now I have extra "flab" everywhere. I'm finally realizing that I may never get my body back, and those size 6 jeans that are sitting in my dresser are never going to be worn again - not by me at least.
It makes me very very sad. When I was in high school, even though I was a size 6/7, I thought I was fat. All my friends were size 0's and 2's so being a size 6 made me feel excessively fat. I always felt self-conscience. Even just a few years ago, I got down to my lowest post-high school weight ever (127 lbs) and while I was proud of my accomplishment and how hard I'd worked (working out sometimes 2x a day, doing all Body for Life eating), I still felt fat. Now I really know I am. I would do just about anything to get that body back.