Last night I had a dream, it was so real. I was pregnant, although I was still post hysterectomy. I was only a few weeks along, but things were going good. We hadn't told family yet. And then I stopped feeling the baby move (remember this was a dream, I'm very aware you can't feel the baby moving only a few weeks along), so I called my OB/GYN and begged them to get me in for an ultrasound. When I went in for the ultrasound, there was nothing there. No evidence I was ever pregnant. The doctor knew I was post hysterectomy, but in the dream it appeared we were trying something experimental - something that would allow women to get pregnant even without a uterus. Again, we hadn't told anyone. Just my husband, myself and our doctor knew. I was heartbroken all over again, and I feared how I would explain it to my family - why I was so heartbroken over "nothing". Would I tell them what we'd tried? Would I tell them we had hope for just a few weeks?
For just a moment, even though it was inside a dream, I could feel what it felt like to be pregnant - the love, hope and pure excitement that bursts through your veins. I've had dreams like this before, but this was the most vivid. This dream was cruel.
