It's been a while! What have I been doing the last few months? Oh ya know... hating my body. Literally. I hate my body.
I went to the Grief Group and met some wonderful people. Unfortunately, there was a bit of a disconnect though. They were all grieving people who they actually knew, who they actually had pictures of and memories with. I, of course, wasn't. I have nothing from or to represent the babies I feel I lost when my uterus got ripped from my body. So after a couple meetings, I stopped going. I still stay in touch with my awesome counselor Aimee, she allows me to email her and checks in on my from time to time, which I truly appreciate. She's actually one of the reasons why I came back to this blog... she reminded me in an email I had started it. Stupid menopause has completely taken over my mind, and I had literally forgotten about it until she asked me if I was blogging in her last email.
I have to vent about something. I am SO incredibly, more than ever before, annoyed with pregnant women. I go on Facebook, and all they do is complain throughout their whole pregnancy about how huge they feel and how they can't see their feet. They bitch and moan about their swollen feet and ankles, their back pain, the exhaustion. I want to reach through the computer and slap them. I've wanted to start blocking them until they have their babies, it's that ridiculous. One even put "what was I thinking?" ... umm seriously? WHO SAYS THAT!?! One woman posted several times a day about how uncomfortable she was, and how she was desperate to just have the baby already so she could get her body back. I want to just shake these women, don't they realize that they are pregnant BY CHOICE! They opened their legs, they allowed this happen... they shouldn't be complaining about it. Especially the ones who've already had one baby. They knew what to expect. I have all those stupid "pregnancy symptoms" and have for 15 years... I never got a baby at the end, I didn't get my body back after 40 weeks. They are so blessed and they don't even take a minute to realize it.
I was at WalMart the other day and oh my gosh, there were two ladies... Lady #1 had 2 kids and was pregnant with a 3rd. Lady #2 had 3 kids. Lady #2 was telling Lady #1 how much harder things are with 3 kids.. how impossible everything is, how you don't have a life anymore, how it's all about the kids and there's never time for anything else. I could feel my cheeks getting red as I stood a few feet away looking for brown sugar... I started getting clammy as I withheld the need to start screaming. I finally decided to finish my search for brown sugar at the end of my shopping trip. If I hadn't walked away, I think I would have honestly had a Menopause Meltdown and started going after these two ridiculously self absorbed women.
Maybe I'll start walking around with Reminder Cards to hand out to all the women I see out in public, complaining. It'll tell them all about the women who can't get pregnant, the ones that would trade places with them in a heartbeat. Yea, maybe I'll do that.
That is all for today. I'll be back soon, I promise :)
