Today I turned 27. I was spoiled with many wonderful gifts of sweet messages, time with loved ones, and a few beautiful gifts that I'll forever cherish.
I did a lot of thinking today. Of how I want to spend this next year. I had a talk with my Dad, he'd been out of town with very little cell service, so it was the first time I was able to talk to him about this new diagnosis of RA. I explained to him what little we understood about it. I realized while I was talking to him just how badly I want to take life by the horns this year. I realized that I don't want to wake up 10 years from now, with my hands crippled and my legs unable to move me around, and wish I had done things differently. Wonder if I had taken better care of myself, if I could have gotten more time before my body gave up on me.
I'm going to make a list of things I want to do and a list of things I need to do. And I'm going to do them all. It's not going to be anything out of this world. But simple things, like I've always wanted to be left handed. I need to take the time to make this happen for multiple reasons. 1 because I've always wanted to (don't ask me why, I've just always thought that it's adorable when someone is left handed) and 2 because it actually may help me keep my independence if the joints in my hands are some of the ones affected.
The pain and heartbreak I feel from my hysterectomy will always be with me. The scariness of what my body could turn into will always be with me. The realization that my life is honestly nothing close to what I had planned and worked so hard for will always be with me. But for today, I feel strong, and I feel like I can focus on the good and make that more in my life than the bad. I may feel like this tomorrow, I may not. That's the guessing game of life. But for today, I'm going to bed with a goal to win my life.. and not let my life win me.
