I have a "ticker" on one of my other blogs... it counts the time that has passed since my hysterectomy. I made it several months ago, and it today it says "23 months 1 day"... 23 months, that's almost 2 years. 2 whole years. Wow, it seams surreal. I just can't believe that next month, it's going to have been 2 Christmases, 2 birthdays, 2 Easters, 2 summers, 2 wedding anniversaries. 2 WHOLE YEARS, since that dreaded, awful day.
I'm now 27. I'm now 60 lbs heavier. I'm now taking 6 regular medications, and mixture of about 20 "natural" supplements. I'm now unemployed. I'm now in the process of applying for disability. I'm now a size 16, instead of 10. I'm now sterile, with no chance of having children. I'm now in danger of osteoporosis (on TOP of everything else). I'm now using a wheelchair part-time. I'm now searching for a place to live that doesn't have stairs. I'm now scared out of my mind, about what my future holds with regards to my health.
Hard to look at all that and say my life is better because of that stupid surgery. The only benefit that I can say I gained is that I have had very little pelvic and abdominal pain since I fully recovered. And that is a great benefit. I am VERY grateful that I was given the mercy of not having to deal with all 3 types of pain at the same time, instead of 2. I honestly can say that I don't have it in me to shoulder that - and I pray, even though I know that the surgery wasn't a cure and that the Endo could return at any time, that I will never have to try. I have very little confidence that my body, or my mind, could handle that. (And no universe, this isn't me giving you a challenge - just lay off, please.)
I know that I am blessed, in ways that most people aren't. I have a solid marriage, to a loving husband who keeps me laughing, who is strong enough to lift me up on days my body is unable. I have a wonderful mother, grandma and grandpa, who go out of their way to show me they care and support me. I have a dog and horse that love me unconditionally, no matter how emotional I get, or how moody I become. I have a few select friends that accept me, and embrace me, despite my restrictions and how it all looks. In short, I have a support system that most people could only dream of. And for that I'm incredibly grateful.
